“Conflict is a normal, inevitable, and even a healthy aspect of most relationships. When managed well, it can be used to enhance and strengthen relationships. An old axiom says, “The dirtiest fighter is the one who refuses to fight at all.” Someone who doesn’t want to rock the boat, and skirts the issues to avoid conflict, ultimately damages the relationship. Withdrawal from a conflict does not solve the problem. Fighting can actually get us through a conflict to a level of greater intimacy. But fight fairly so that normal disagreements and differences in opinion do not threaten your relationship that you otherwise hold close to your heart.

Your purpose is to find a mutually respectful solution. During a fight, frustations are high, voices are loud, even distorted. Both of you can feel unseen, unheard, and unappreciated. That’s the time to remember you do love one another, that the point of the conflict is to make sure neither of you sabotages your love by putting up with less than what your love deserves. The purpose of a fight is to reconcile your differences and dissolve the distance between you.

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The following list outlines suggested fair-fighting rules intended to help couples handle conflict without harming the relationship.

Take it private and keep it private.
Fighting in front of your children is nothing short of child abuse. It can and will scar them emotionally — all because you don’t have the self-control to contain yourself until you can talk privately.

Be RespectfulDon’t call names, use sarcasm or belittle your mate. Never put each other down — know that to hurt one’s partner is to hurt oneself. If you relapse into harsh words then immediately apologize.

When necessary, take a time-out. A time-out is a short break to cool off, calm down and get perspective. Think of it like pushing the pause button on a video. It’s an opportunity to restore calm and be more reflective instead of reactive. Use the time-out to reflect on why you feel the way you do and how to express yourself in a positive way. Try to think about the other person’s feelings and point of view. Think things through before you speak. Then “push play” again and return to each other to resolve the issues calmly.  A time-out should be at least a half-hour long (but no longer than twenty-four hours). It takes at least a half-hour for your body’s physiology to return to a normal resting state and for your thoughts to become less hostile or defensive. It’s surprising how different a person’s outlook can be after they’ve had a chance to calm down.

Take your share of responsibility for what has happened. Be prepared to apologise for any error, which is identified on your part, and be prepared to hear and accept an apology from the other person. Both can be very difficult.

Don’t badmouth your partner to your children or anyone else. We all need outlets to vent our frustrations – but filling a friend, child or relative’s ear with criticisms benefits no one. It is not fair to burden a child with adult issues that they have no control over. If you can’t resolve conflicts, consider professional help to build a better marriage or explore the wide variety of self-help books that may assist you both.

Another key tactic for fighting fairly is to be willing to accept responsibilities for your own actions and be willing to reach a resolution and move on from the argument.  Those who fight fairly are prepared to concede the fact that they may lose the argument.  Losing the argument means either that you admit that you were solely to blame in the situation or that you are unable to convince the other person of your argument.  What is important in a fair fight is not who is right or who is wrong but that the couple is able to reach an amicable agreement and that they are both able to move on and leave the fight in the past.

Fight early, fight often
The idea is to get what’s bugging you off your chest when it first bugs you, rather than saving up hurts and slights for some giant blowup every six months or so, says Dr. Córdova. It’s about being clear and forthright.

LEAVE THE ‘FAIR FIGHT’ MODE BEHIND AND DON’T LOOK BACK. Now that you’ve had a successful ‘Fair Fight’ it’s time to leave it in the past. It’s over. It is now part of your past. Isolated incidences of ‘slipping’ on the rules or individual statements within the ‘Fair Fight’ should be forgotten now. It’s time to move on and begin enjoying your significant other again to the fullest degree. And it’s time for that GREAT makeup sex to seal the deal!

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Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need them, but don’t cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.

Make some time for the two of you. Find a way to free up an afternoon or an evening where you won’t be disturbed by phone calls, children, friends, work, school, etc.

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Tell the truth. Communication is much simpler when you tell the whole truth. Even if your partner doesn’t like what you said or disagrees with you, it’s easier to deal with your differences when you’re being honest.

Honesty builds your partner’s trust and respect more than any other quality. You can be great in every other quality, but that won’t make up for dishonesty in your relationship!

Forgive and move on.

Forgive your partner out loud for a shortcoming or mistake he or she made. Be willing to move past it. It’s fine to explain the impact the other person’s action had on you, but also state how you’re going to move past it. Forgiveness invites empathy into a relationship and reminds you that you’re both human. Make deposits in the “forgiveness” bank. Make withdrawals when you yourself need to be forgiven.

Invest Your Time. - Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together. I know this is easier said then done, especially if you have little children. But it is essential for a healthy partnership.

Learn to laugh together

Shared laughter is a surefire way to keep the connection with your partner vibrant. When you laugh, you’re tapping into the playful energy that transcends life’s stresses. When you and your partner make each other laugh, this energy feeds intimacy and life becomes a little less daunting. Make time for mutual playfulness and make fun of life’s absurdities -this will help you both cope with stress, develop perspective and achieve a greater sense of togetherness.

Learn to listen to your emotions

The first step in using your emotions to create deeper intimacy is to identify what you are feeling.

The second step is to communicate your feelings in a way that will foster intimacy and create a mutual understanding between you and your partner. It will always be easier to share positive feelings than feelings that might elicit defensiveness in your spouse or partner.

To help reduce the likelihood that your partner will become defensive, ask yourself the following question before discussing sensitive issues: “How can I talk about these feelings and my needs so that my partner will be open and responsive to what I’m saying?”

Don’t avoid saying what is in your heart or on your mind to say. Say it! It will go a long way to deepen your intimacy!

Don’t hide your worries because you don’t want him to know that you are not in control. Share them! Watch the intimacy between you soar!

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No problem is too trivial if it keeps you away from each other. The worst thing that you can do is to let the problem linger and pile up. To let resentment and tension rise within you until you explode with anger at each other. Tell your partner in the most diplomatic way if there is an issue that irritates you. Character assassination is the most horrible thing that you can do to your partner. When confronting, directly trigger the act not the person. However, there are some couples that let the “heat” die down before confronting. When the emotions are too raw they would rather let it heal for a while before discussing the issue.

Quality of life matters. Luckily for us, love and intimacy are renewable resources that actually increase through use. The more we allow and enjoy love and intimacy, the more we are nourished at the core of our being.

There are many factors that help sustain a relationship: kindness, respect, attention, caring, communication, tolerance, humor, the sharing of activities and life experiences. A relationship can be sustained and enjoyed when these resources are present. And then there’s sex. The intimacy that arises from meaningful sexual connection gives a relationship a whole other level of sustainability. Beyond just existing as a couple, we radiate love into the universe, returning and replenishing that which has made our own hearts sing.

There are signs of cheating men that are there and shouldn’t be ignored. If you are reading this article then you may already suspect your man is having an affair. It has been reported that over 70% of the women that suspected their spouse was cheating was right. That’s an astonishing percentage. Men will try and cover their tracks, but there are just too many signs for them to cover them all.

The first sign he may be cheating is a change in his behavior toward you. Has the level of intimacy changed in your relationship? I’m not just talking about sex. I’m talking about those caring gestures that he used to do like giving you a kiss for no reason, touching you as he walked by or making time in his day to just sit and chat. Of course a drop in the frequency you have sex is a big red flag. If the times you have sex has changed drastically, this may be a sign that something is amiss.

If your partner’s work hours have changed for no appropriate reason, it is safe to assume that he is not working the hours he claims. You could confirm this by ringing his work or mobile. If none of these are answered, then he either is not at work or is avoiding your calls because he is with another woman. Missing one phone call can be excuse, but if you are never able to reach him, that is because he is most likely cheating. If a man loves you, he would either pick up when you call or call you back as soon as possible.

He starts changing his appearance – He is much more concerned with how he looks all of a sudden. Changes in clothing and grooming can be a sign. As can joining a gym and getting in shape.

Sudden attitude change – He picks fights for no reason and generally has a bad attitude towards everyone and everything.

Stories he tells you just don’t add up.

You might innocently ask him where he was, and he will concoct some story that on some level you just know isn’t true. You are picking up signals from him that he’s being deceptive, but you can’t pinpoint exactly what it is that’s not right. Also, he’s probably forgotten what he has previously told you, so dates and places just aren’t jiving.

Probably the easiest way to find ask is my man cheating is to look at his cell phone bill or who he is calling. This is probably still the easiest way to find out as men are quite stupid and will call the person he is cheating with on his cell phone. Sometimes he will be so brain dead that he will even give her their phone number.

Check out his internet history. This one is really simple to do. On every computer there is a log called Internet History. Find it and see what’s there. If it has a long history its ok but if he is frequently deleting the internet history you might take that as a sign. At least it gives you ground to worry.

Is your heart broken because your man cheated on you? Do you doubt you’ll ever be able to trust him again? Are you confused and you don’t understand why he did this to you to begin with? Infidelity can be devastating. However, if you’re willing to work it through, you can come to understand what happened and prevent it from happening again.

In basic terms, men cheat because of dissatisfaction or unhappiness in their relationship. You must look deeper to find out why they have started to feel this emptiness. Has the love you once shared slowly disappeared? Has your relationship fallen into days and nights of disagreements and harsh words for one another? Does he simply not feel special anymore? Have you fallen into constantly complaining to your guy? If you consider any one of these explanations, then the problem lies with both of you, not just your guy.

One of the main reasons why men cheat is when the intimacy has been lost from their relationship, when they have had enough of ‘not tonight I have a headache’, or ‘I’m too tired’ or ‘no the children might hear’. Men have sexual desires and sexual needs that need to be fulfilled so if the love, romance and intimacy has been lost in your relationship your man will be far more inclined to seek fulfillment elsewhere.

You should always consider your man. You should ask him that whether he is being satisfied in the relationship. Maybe you the woman just don’t know how to satisfy your man. Maybe you don’t satisfy him. I don’t know, but, I believe firmly that there is no excuse for cheating. People who cheat whether it’s physically or emotionally (having feelings for someone else) are just too immature to be a man/woman and are wick battery with low self esteem.

You may not agree with a lot of things I have said but take this from me. If you feel that the relationship is not working and you have tried to make it work in good reason then end it before more hurt is done.

Sometimes it’s a woman’s fault to give her man a chance to cheat on her. If your man wants you to change some of your ways and habits and you don’t comply, chances are he would start looking for those habits in someone else. If you don’t dress up nicely, don’t meet him at the door when he comes back from work and don’t cook him his favorite meals, he would start discussing these things with someone outside who is close to him. In most cases these close people are women. Watch out for all your actions as well as your partner’s.

Unhappy Men

Married men, and those in long term relationships, cheat mainly because they believe that having a short-term affair will temporarily resolve any problems they have at home and prevent them from ‘hurting’ anyone long term. The fact that their partner is already being hurt by their lack of attention and affection – and being prevented from finding love too – does not seem to come into the picture. There are three problems with this approach. First, it stops the major conflicts in the relationship being acknowledged, explored and addressed. Second, it makes the situation worse because any liaison only proves starkly what is already missing at home, especially sexually. Thirdly, it deliberately ignores the fact that the man is taking his affections elsewhere which begs the question: How does giving one’s self to someone else shows love and affection for the person left at home and, above all, accord her due respect for her love and support?

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The words “I love you” can become repetitive and meaningless if they are said after every phone call, before every night at bed, and every time you part. In fact, they can turn into the shortened version that sounds something like “Loveya “.

The fact that those three words can make us feel loved and part of a happy union means that we can’t cut them out of our daily lives altogether and only say them once in a while, but we can change the way we say them. There are ways to add some substance and some power behind them that make them even more special and important when they are said.

Have you ever thought about memorizing “I Love You” in as many foreign languages as possible?

Imagine someone whispering to you “Je t’aime” or “Te amo” or “Aloha wau ia ‘oe.” You’d be intrigued, interested, and pleased, wouldn’t you? Well, try several foreign language translations of “I Love You” with a special person in your life and see what happens

Be crazy. Get away from what’s normal — it’s boring. Elevate romance by discovering something new everyday. Try something new from the menu, ditch your normal DVD night and invite both her and your friends over, ride the roller coaster, watch a concert or volunteer together to do charity work. Having fun together is a great foundation to make your relationship much stronger and healthier.

It’s important to create special time where you can make her/him the most important person at the time. Consider to make long time memorize of this moment. Special evening works well since you can celebrate this moment at special night under the bright of stars that surely pleasure you and your partner.

Don’t forget to make an eye contact and hold her hand to show your deep feeling that give intimacy in the moment.

Listen without other distractions around.

You are the person your partner shares their day with and feelings and thoughts about it. You should be listening and acknowledging what they are saying and not just simply nodding while watching TV or playing on the computer.

Listening is one of the hardest parts of communication and to do it properly makes the other person feel validated and respected. So give your undivided attention to what they have to say without distractions, interrupting or adding your opinion.

Say it with a kiss.

Saying I love you is more fun when you’re planting kisses on your beloved. The best way to go about this would probably be planting one kiss on that person after every word of affection. Kissing your guy or girl like this helps emphasize just how much you love him or her.

These creative ways to say I love you are usually coupled with body language and actions. These are just some of the innovative & romantic ways you can express your feelings for your special someone. However, don’t be limited by these suggestions alone. There are many more ways you can express your love for your guy or girl. Just be creative!

It is not easy to win back the love of your life, but it can be done. Determination and consistency are the most essential qualities needed to be successful. If you truly love your Ex, please visit How To Get Your Ex Lover Back