“Conflict is a normal, inevitable, and even a healthy aspect of most relationships. When managed well, it can be used to enhance and strengthen relationships. An old axiom says, “The dirtiest fighter is the one who refuses to fight at all.” Someone who doesn’t want to rock the boat, and skirts the issues to avoid conflict, ultimately damages the relationship. Withdrawal from a conflict does not solve the problem. Fighting can actually get us through a conflict to a level of greater intimacy. But fight fairly so that normal disagreements and differences in opinion do not threaten your relationship that you otherwise hold close to your heart.

Your purpose is to find a mutually respectful solution. During a fight, frustations are high, voices are loud, even distorted. Both of you can feel unseen, unheard, and unappreciated. That’s the time to remember you do love one another, that the point of the conflict is to make sure neither of you sabotages your love by putting up with less than what your love deserves. The purpose of a fight is to reconcile your differences and dissolve the distance between you.

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The following list outlines suggested fair-fighting rules intended to help couples handle conflict without harming the relationship.

Take it private and keep it private.
Fighting in front of your children is nothing short of child abuse. It can and will scar them emotionally — all because you don’t have the self-control to contain yourself until you can talk privately.

Be RespectfulDon’t call names, use sarcasm or belittle your mate. Never put each other down — know that to hurt one’s partner is to hurt oneself. If you relapse into harsh words then immediately apologize.

When necessary, take a time-out. A time-out is a short break to cool off, calm down and get perspective. Think of it like pushing the pause button on a video. It’s an opportunity to restore calm and be more reflective instead of reactive. Use the time-out to reflect on why you feel the way you do and how to express yourself in a positive way. Try to think about the other person’s feelings and point of view. Think things through before you speak. Then “push play” again and return to each other to resolve the issues calmly.  A time-out should be at least a half-hour long (but no longer than twenty-four hours). It takes at least a half-hour for your body’s physiology to return to a normal resting state and for your thoughts to become less hostile or defensive. It’s surprising how different a person’s outlook can be after they’ve had a chance to calm down.

Take your share of responsibility for what has happened. Be prepared to apologise for any error, which is identified on your part, and be prepared to hear and accept an apology from the other person. Both can be very difficult.

Don’t badmouth your partner to your children or anyone else. We all need outlets to vent our frustrations – but filling a friend, child or relative’s ear with criticisms benefits no one. It is not fair to burden a child with adult issues that they have no control over. If you can’t resolve conflicts, consider professional help to build a better marriage or explore the wide variety of self-help books that may assist you both.

Another key tactic for fighting fairly is to be willing to accept responsibilities for your own actions and be willing to reach a resolution and move on from the argument.  Those who fight fairly are prepared to concede the fact that they may lose the argument.  Losing the argument means either that you admit that you were solely to blame in the situation or that you are unable to convince the other person of your argument.  What is important in a fair fight is not who is right or who is wrong but that the couple is able to reach an amicable agreement and that they are both able to move on and leave the fight in the past.

Fight early, fight often
The idea is to get what’s bugging you off your chest when it first bugs you, rather than saving up hurts and slights for some giant blowup every six months or so, says Dr. Córdova. It’s about being clear and forthright.

LEAVE THE ‘FAIR FIGHT’ MODE BEHIND AND DON’T LOOK BACK. Now that you’ve had a successful ‘Fair Fight’ it’s time to leave it in the past. It’s over. It is now part of your past. Isolated incidences of ‘slipping’ on the rules or individual statements within the ‘Fair Fight’ should be forgotten now. It’s time to move on and begin enjoying your significant other again to the fullest degree. And it’s time for that GREAT makeup sex to seal the deal!

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Have you fallen in love and hope to stay there? Do you ever wonder if it is possible to love someone for a lifetime? Are you searching for the secret to make your romance last? True love is not a myth! Plenty of couples who fall in love as doe-eyed kids are still just as crazy for each other fifty years down the road.

Great relationships don’t happen by accident! As a matter of fact, that’s true not only of relationships but everything in life. A great anything doesn’t happen without great effort.

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Let’s look at couples who “fall in love” and “stay in love.” We all know that one state does not always lead to the other. “Falling in love” is certainly easier to manage than “staying in love,” so how do happy couples manage to do both?

It’s sound like you fall in love at the first sight. Strong feelings that you feel towards unknown person at your first meet means that both of you attract to one another and that connection is the first sign both of you are belongs to each other. Your intuition told you that you can live and spend the rest of your life besides him forever. Hard to believes? If you’re happy with your relationships, you know it’s true. Or you can ask any happy couples – what makes them happy and stay hold on to their love. Those feelings are combination between emotional and sexual attractions and it can be last by nurture it together.

Your partner and you should understand each other completely, and make each other feel at ease always. Also, some people are not very good at expressing their love and feelings. Learn to show your love otherwise it will reduce the communication between the two of you. A gentle touch, a pat, or a hug is necessary to keep the love alive in your relationship. Be considerate and selfless in your relationship. Always think about the other person before yourself. Let him or her know that you care for them.

Don’t keep secrets. Secrets erode the love and the trust. You can have private thoughts, but that’s different than secrets from your mate. Here’s a rule: don’t share any information about him/her with others that you haven’t shared with him/her first.

Never let go the power of communication in your relationship. This is the prime basis of a healthy relationship. Communication can be on a negative and positive side. But, when you communicate effectively, you are maintaining transparency in your relationship. The basis of a good relationship is in case of transparency.

Couples that are intimate with each other, who laugh and play together, stay together. By planning ahead to be intimate with one another you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of romance. When life gets in the way, you will have your best friend, your partner, to help you get through it all. Love is truly wonderful.

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The hallmark of friendship is that each person validates and respects the other person’s feelings and needs. Validation means: What’s important to you is important to me. It’s a key way to make your spouse feel loved.

Respect each other’s need to know

Never shut each other out no matter what you are going through. To entrust your deepest needs and innermost thoughts to your lover might feel like jumping off a cliff but once you take the plunge you’re likely to find the drop is only ten centimetres deep!

Resentment, anger and blame are normal reactions when your loved one does something hurtful. Without forgiveness, however, little hurts as well as betrayals can tear a relationship apart.

“People who don’t forgive often have problems maintaining positive feelings toward their partners,” says Ms. Maisch. “But partners who move toward forgiveness are better able to maintain their connection because they make a conscious decision not to dwell on the mistakes their partner has made.”

Nothing can ruin a relationship or marriage faster than jealously. Jealousy creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate, fear. No one thinks clearly when jealous.

Having a relationship with a jealous person is tough. The jealous person acts untrusting or unworthy. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even repulsive.

No one wants a jealous mate and no one likes being jealous.

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If your own insecurity or low self-image makes you think badly of yourself, you often begin to wonder what your significant other sees in you. You will start to question why your partner would want to stay with you and fear that he or she will inevitably meet someone “better”. The fear that your partner will wake up one day and realize there is someone better out there can lead to suspicion on your part.

When suspicious thoughts begin to enter the mind of an insecure person the green-eyed monster will begin to rear his ugly head. You may find yourself questioning your partner’s actions or becoming too needy of your partner’s time and attention. If you don’t discuss your insecurities with your partner, questions may begin to fill your head. Why does he always come home later on Tuesday nights…who is he seeing? Why does she always talk so much about that new co-worker…does she like him?

Before you can learn how to control jealousy, you have to understand exactly what jealousy is. When it comes right down to it, jealousy is nothing more than a sad excuse for attempting to control a relationship. What often happens is that the jealousy actually tears a relationship apart. If you find yourself suffering from this juvenile emotion, you need to get it under control before you find yourself alone as most partners will simply not tolerate a jealous companion.

Ask yourself why you’re thinking jealous thoughts or why you are feeling that way. You may be surprised about the reasons because sometimes, they can be so naive and selfish. You may even discover some sort of insecurity within yourself. If you find yourself in the same page, then start fixing things with your ego. Admit your insecurities and use your other strengths to boost your esteem up. If, on the other hand, you find your partner’s actions to be the cause of your jealousy, then it would be best to talk with the person and straighten things out. Discussing your issues is always the best way to deal with things.

Sharing your true feelings with someone without blaming them can create a deep sense of connection between the two of you and open up a dialogue about the path of your relationship. Use “I” instead of “you.” Instead of saying, “You shouldn’t have done that,” say, “I felt terrible when that happened.”

Remember your lessons in communication, as they are helpful, even in healthy relationships. Instead of quoting what you believe a person said, try telling them how they made you feel, or preface the memory of a conversation with “I thought you said…” or ” It seemed like you were trying to say…”.

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Often the listener may misinterpret, and still others, perhaps the speaker just used a poor choice of words to relay their thoughts.

Jealousy can let you lose the ability to control your temper. Always get things clear before confronting your partner.

If you are feeling jealous, you shouldn’t bottle up your emotions, because then you are leaving yourself open to the risk of exploding with anger one day when you really get fed up. Talk to your mate about your feelings. Tell him why you feel that way, and give him an opportunity to react. Don’t approach the subject during an argument about something else, or your mate is likely to respond with anger and defensiveness. Bring it up when the two of you are alone, calm, and have plenty of time to talk. He might be able to explain the nature of his relationships so that you no longer feel the pangs of jealousy. Or, worst case scenario, you might find out that your fears are valid.

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Knowing whether you are being lied to or not, does not require mind reading or psychic power. Understanding the difference between the truth and a lie can all be determined by a person’s behavior, and if you pay attention to these behaviors, you will be able to have a better idea of whether you are being lied to or not. The most important thing you should always remember to do however is to trust your instincts. If you feel you are not getting the entire truth from your partner for some reason, then listen to your instincts. Most people are in good touch with their instincts, but rather not listen to that inner voice because they refuse to believe that their partner.

Here are some warning signs of a cheating partner

• You can’t get your spouse to communicate with you.
• Your spouse gets very defensive if you mention infidelity or affairs.
• Your spouse is suddenly more attentive than usual.
• Your mate is working longer hours at work.
• Your spouse is dressing nicer, looking nicer.
• You notice charges on credit card statement that don’t make sense.
• Your spouse is indifferent to family events like birthdays and holidays.
• You find your partner has been lying to you about a variety of things.
• Money becomes more of an issue between the two of you.
• He/she doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything with you anymore.

Deflecting Answers-A lying spouse will often try to deceive by not giving direct answers. One way to catch a cheater in the act of lying is see if they merely imply answers rather than directly giving an explanation.

Speech Patterns. When people are lying, they often speak hesitantly, in a higher pitch and they make more grammatical errors and slips of the tongue, than when they are telling the truth. Also, when people are lying, there are discrepancies or mismatches between their tone of voice and their facial expressions. Your partner may even cover his or her mouth while talking. It’s as if they’re subconsciously repressing the untruths they’re saying. It may be as blatant as completely concealing the mouth or as subtle as a single finger placed in front of the lips.

Gets Defensive

High levels of defensiveness are often a huge red flag that something isn’t quite right. The defensiveness typically stems from the fact a person knows they are lying and are desperately trying to move away from that fact.

By getting defensive the person lying may feel if they escalate the situation and deflect the attention, they can walk away and play angry or act with indignation. Whatever the case, the defensiveness is a triggered response to get the person lying out of the immediate danger of being discovered in untruths.

One important thing to remember is that the body never lies. If there are changes in the way your partner moves (or not moves) his/her arms, hands, head and the way his/her eyes shift, then you are most likely being lied to. The reason the body language changes when a person is lying is because the person now has to think of a way to seem convincing that he/she is telling the truth. Since he/she knows that whatever they are telling you is a lie, the behavior automatically changes, because they are now trying to act truthful, instead of actually being truthful. One big sign to look out for is in the eyes. If your partner avoids eye contact with you, then he/she is lying to you. There is a fear that you will see through him or her if there is eye contact, so eye contact will be avoided.

Whether your partner‘s schedule is subtle or obvious, because you’ve gotten to know it, you should be tuned in to any type of change, which is one of the biggest signs that your lover is lying. A partner who is cheating is going to have to work out the logistics and schedule some new time for this new lover. As the amount of hours in a day is obviously the same, that new time is coming out of your time together.

Ask for specifics. Oftentimes, people talk in vague terms when they lie. Press him for specific details. If he’s suddenly at a loss and doesn’t have answers, he could be lying. If he provides details, listen for contradictions. Liars often have a hard time keeping their details consistent.

Have you ever been at a loss to think of something special that you can do for that special someone in your life? Maybe you want to do a little extra for an important event, like his or her birthday, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, or anniversary.

Here are some excellent tips and ideas of some special actions that you can take to help keep love alive in your life.

Break into routines. Snap out of ruts. Take time to plan exciting, romantic, delicious times to spend together. Even if it’s just for a little while. Dedicate time to the relationship that nothing can interrupt. This is a sacred time for the two of you, and during it do what makes both of you feel most fulfilled.

Change your environment.  A big reason relationships tend to get dull over time is that we don’t try anything new.  The environment we’re in is a part of that as well, so change it up.  Go on getaways or even spend a night a month at a nice hotel in your town.  It doesn’t matter where, the point is that by being some place you’re both not familiar with, you’ll have new experiences together.

Start going through adventure and good experiences together. When you start doing things you have never tried before, you tend to strengthen your bond together and you will be able to see each other in a new light. You might feel then that you have missed out on each other for quite some time now.

And one important rule on how to keep your love going is to find out the things that make your partner happy. Be more attentive. Don’t push your partner away and think of the things that will make him or her happy instead of dwelling on your own expectations.

Understanding both of your expectations and realizing what can and can’t be fulfilled – what is and isn’t realistic is part of how to keep your love alive as well. Sometimes we have disappointments in our life that we blame on our partner, and it’s really our own failures – or caused by outside forces.

Another realization that’s important as well, is that our mates, our partners, our spouses are not responsible for our own happiness. We are responsible for our happiness. Putting too much responsibility on our partners to make us happy is not fair, and a hefty burden for her or him to carry.

Learn to laugh together

Shared laughter is a surefire way to keep the connection with your partner vibrant. When you laugh, you’re tapping into the playful energy that transcends life’s stresses. When you and your partner make each other laugh, this energy feeds intimacy and life becomes a little less daunting. Make time for mutual playfulness and make fun of life’s absurdities -this will help you both cope with stress, develop perspective and achieve a greater sense of togetherness.

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